its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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