Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
