you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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