you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
