Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
