Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
