Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize