Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Actions speak louder than pants.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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