tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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