He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
