About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
