So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
