So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
