when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
