I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
