i just google imaged poop.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
