I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I did not marry a roomba.
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