can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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