Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
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we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
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You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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