Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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