Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
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