man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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