I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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