i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Two words: blizzard sex
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
