Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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