He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
