I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
