Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize