dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
