Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
