I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
