I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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