Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
