I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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