he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
