I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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