I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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