I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
