the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I had to cum in my sink.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
