I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
