He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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