I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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