News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
