Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
