you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
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I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
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Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize