Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
