Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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