Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
