party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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