craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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