No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
