I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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