I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
