I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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