I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
my poor anus
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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