If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
