omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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