This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she peed on how many people?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
