DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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