You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
