so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's shark week go big or go home
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize