I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
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Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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