True but thats because hes a fetus.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
