i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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