Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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