my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
