I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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