I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
