remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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