Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I smell stomach acid.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she smelled like a LAN party
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He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
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