you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
