The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
