Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
