dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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